When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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