I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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