my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize