In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
