I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
