Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
