I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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