you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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