what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
