either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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