Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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