I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
