Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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