i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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