i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
