Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
