happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
