Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
