Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
