watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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