Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
