You just made me feel so damn special
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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