I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
