Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
