Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
