o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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