U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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