Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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