It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
not ubering you a puppy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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