Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
