Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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