My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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