I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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