I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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