I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
