We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
