we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
