They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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