did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
