Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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