Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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