He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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