hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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