This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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