Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
