he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
