i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
