Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
