Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
