She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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