dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
