it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
