I'm going to jail i love you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
