There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
