i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
