Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
