The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
