you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
