is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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