I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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