Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
