party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
