when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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