Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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