Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
