I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
