just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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