As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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