I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
