I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
