I wish they made helmets for livers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
