I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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