No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
