I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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