i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
