okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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