I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
