every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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