She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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