I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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