why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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